In a colossally important game at the bottom of the table, the BBC showed themselves entirely unwilling to play Surreal’s cat-and-mouse game of choice. It took just three minutes for Bale to cut inside and thread a low shot through five defenders, and from there Ferguson’s side were utterly dominant. Jonny made it two on the half-hour with a daisy-cutter that squeaked awkwardly under Dubravka. The job already looked so finished against a hardly-there Surreal team that the hosts were able to withdraw the unfit Bale at half-time, and the second half offered no dissent to their complacency.

By shadowy agents of the Cabal