If anything, Suarez may simply love goals too much. The Uruguayan was, of course, at the centre of everything here, although a keen-eyed pass from Zaniolo for his second may live longest in the memory. The Cocks fought hard for the under-pressure Ancelotti but always looked a level below their opposition, with Gabriel Jesus in particular too wayward up front.

Steve, please come home, your wife is worried about you