Our in house expert, Roger Adultery,  and “Larry from Legal, head of legal services and CIA blacksite liaison for Surreal Madrid ” face off predicting the upcoming game week fixtures.

Larry: First off I would like to thank you Roger for having me on the show. Weird that we have to write our own script but still at the end of the day, when all is said and done, I look forward to taping this all the same. 

I have been a fan of football since I was a small boy at the University of Life Cambridge. As far back as I remember I was football mad and my favourite team has always been Crystal Phallus who unfortunately have been relegated because they are shit.  

FC Carrcelona vs Farcelona

Roger Adultery: Carrcelona will be happy with their so far unbeaten run, but Farcelona are hardly slouching either. Expect plenty of goals in the Catalan Capital pun derby, make sure you don’t miss this one. 

FC Carrcelona 2 – 3 Farcelona

Larry: The 2nd best derby in the world. Suraez has bitten off more than he can chew this time. Carrcelona to win 1-0. 

Arbor Red vs Sporting Martyrs

Roger Adultery: Now Arbor Red have remembered how to score and have been playing some good football, will they finally win a game? Klopp’s Martyrs have been building confidence themselves over the past few weeks and I give them the edge here. Arbor Red’s misery looks likely to continue for at least another week. 

Arbor Red 1 – 3 Sporting Martyrs

Larry: Arbor Red have struggled at the table so far this season. You never quite settle down until you get your first frame on the board. Will they this week? Well they don’t call it the cruel game for nothing. Martyrs to clear up. 

Arbor Red 0 – 147 Sporting Martys 

Mancs in Black vs Chilean Menace

Roger Adultery: We expect the Mancs to be reeling from the derby defeat and looking to make amends on some unfortunate souls. In particular the souls of the Chilean Menace players. This one might get ugly.

Mancs in Black 4 – 1 Chilean Menace

Larry: I object to Chilean’s use of the word Menace which has been trademarked by my client Dennis. Mancs in Black to give them a real bruising 2-0 

Pigs vs Los Hijos

Roger Adultery: A clash of styles here, with the rough and tumble Los Hijos coming into (physical, obviously) contact with the fluid football of the Pigs. Watch out for the Scottish Sniper Andrew “ice” Robertson, who’s been a key player for the Pigs in recent fixtures.

Pigs 2 – 1 Los Hijos

Larry: For legal reasons I cannot comment on this fixture. 

Nilwall vs Weasels

Roger Adultery: Both of these teams seem to be in a bit of a midtable funk, and not the good kind. The real snoozer of the gameweek.

Nilwall 1 – 1 Weasels

Larry: A weasel rather comically ran up my trouser leg once. A passing pensioner looked down at me and then struck me with her handbag. Thankfully due to my legal cunning I was able to stay off the register. I think Weasels pip this one. Niwall 1-3 Weasels 

Surreal Madrid vs Les Canards

Roger Adultery: What happens in a football match where neither team really wants the ball? I expect a lot of highlights of passes in the middle of the pitch and shots flying wide.

Surreal Madrid 1 – 0 Les Canards

Larry: Obviously I am slightly biased with this one. 3-0 to Les Canards.

FC Cers City vs BBC

Roger Adultery: FC Cers are proving excellent at drawing games and the Big Cocks will be happy to have finally got a win under their belt. This means the result can only be one thing.

FC Cers City 1 – 1 BBC

Larry: I thought it was pretty funny when I managed to convince Hadleigh he was an elite level goalkeeper. Funnier that I convinced Cers City to pay actual money for him! 0-3 BBC. 

La Ball de la Foot vs Pocket Dawgs

Roger Adultery: Expecting a fair amount shithousing from Lbdlf as they look to take out their natural enemy, Lionel Messi, for another good chunk of the season. The Dawgs have so far been unable to bring it outside of the derby, will Vince’s constant criticism of Messi have fired him up?

LBdlF 1 – 1 Pocket Dawgs

Larry: The Pocket Dawgs have been true comrades with their highly successful and influential Respect campaign. We wish them well in all their endeavours. La Ball de la Foot 7-0 PDawgs, Messi to have an average game and an icecream after.  

Halfman United vs Maychester United

Roger Adultery: A barn burner for Monday Night. Maychester’s clean sheet streak came to end an against the Pigs in their last outing and injuries have left a threadbare midfield for Zidane’s side. Will we see an aggressive switch to 4231 to compensate? I suspect that Halfman won’t be too concerned either way, as they look to sweep another opponent aside and continue their dominant run.

Halfman 2 – 1 Maychester

Larry: Maychester have got this if for no other reason than Paul Pogba is a good friend of mine. 3-2 Maychester.