Weasels
Wedge Bromwich Albion
David Silva (Retired)
70'
2 - 0
Lorenzo Insigne
74'
4 - 0
Rui Patrício (OG)
80'
5 - 0
Nobody saw this coming after an insomnia-baiting first half but Weasels exploded into life in the late game, scoring with almost every attempt they made against a struggling Rui P. Wedge weren’t up to much, although you’d have to say five feels harsh.
By Clive Twang
Arbor Red
La Ball de la Foot
After one game’s grace for new boss Jorge Jesus, it was back to the grinding disappointment of this Arbor Red season. Genuine chances were few and far between but they were near-nonexistent for the hosts; Pjanic’s classy free kick and a canny close-range finish from Fekir decided it.
By Gregorella Stonkcroncher
Brigstock Big Cocks
Surreal Moneyball
1 - 2
84'
Sadio Mané (Retired)
On the back foot immediately but having the better of the game, Surreal struggled to boss around the defence without the absent Immobile but their patience eventually told against a Cocks team who looked far too content to coast.
By the Tupac hologram
Möhömahamörssit
The Pocket Dawgs
Federico Chiesa
60'
2 - 0
2 - 1
66'
Eden Hazard (Retired)
What a way to end a six-game streak of defeats! The Dawgs desperately wanted more out of this game but they will be desperately pleased with the point, and especially with the manner in which they roared back into the game after the second goal. They arguably deserved more for their efforts.
By Vanuatu LeBanon
Maychester United
Farcelona
Jamie Vardy (Pen)
29'
1 - 0
1 - 2
45+2'
Alphonso Davies
A real entertainer, this. Maychester, faintly shambolic but full of gumption, spurned good chances for more – particularly Havertz, who tried several ambitious efforts and never went closer than a lob onto the bar – while the Farcelona wingers were electric and just too deadly on the break. A special nod (eyyy) to Davies for a rare headed goal.
By Yaddle
0 - 1
16'
Marcos Llorente
0 - 2
26'
Achraf Hakimi (Retired)
0 - 3
54'
Achraf Hakimi (Retired)
Florian Thauvin
67'
1 - 3
The sudden reinvention of Achraf Hakimi as a player who routinely bangs them in from the right-hand corner of the penalty area was the most and perhaps only unexpected part of Cers’ dismantling.
By Emile the talking llama
Robert Lewandowski
35'
1 - 1
Halfman gave up their position at the top of the table with a slightly confused performance that ended awkwardly with a clumsy Bender foul in the box. The first goal was a great example of the classic tiki-taka that Ambriz has sought to implement, while Gomez and Jorginho had the best of the midfield battle.
By Prince Frederick Charles of Hesse
Chilean Menace
Los Hijos de Chud
Cristiano Ronaldo (Retired)
12'
1 - 0
Edin Džeko (OG)
68'
3 - 0
The pressure on Lijnders will only increase after a stodgy performance against the reigning champions, who put in a confident team performance all across the pitch without needing to overexert themselves.
By Quincy Rampart
Nilwall FC
Mancs in Black
Paulinho (The Old CM)
38'
2 - 0
After a confident start, Nilwall rode their luck a bit in defending their lead – a dangerous thing to do against this pacy Mancs attack – but it paid off right at the end with a thrilling counterattacking move, Bale launching a frankly astonishing pass to put Son through for the winner.
By Dudley Drainbilge
This week's crossword clue
28 Across: Incapable of providing reduced levels of assistance (8)