Our team of intrepid reporters attends every game in the Gobshite Draft League so that you don’t have to!
Arbor Red FC 0-1 Nilwall FC
Both teams were up for it in a lively affair that reflected a mutual desire to improve after poor openers. Dele continued as Kane’s strike partner for Nilwall and, though poor when the repeated target of long balls, drew a foul from Otamendi which allowed Kane to bury one from the penalty spot. The hosts pushed for a response but Salah and Perisic struggled to exploit Nilwall’s lack of width – except when offside, with a goal in either half called back by VAR. Pekerman’s men were a touch flattered by this.
By Chanel Pfourre
La Ball de la Foot 0-2 Farcelona
Galtier sprang a surprise by benching Hummus in favour of Fekir and it looked a poor call, with Farcelona instantly assuming an impressive command of possession and setting up Dembele to finish off a flowing team move just 10 minutes in. The hosts, by contrast, were lackadaisical and looked a level below throughout, confirmed when Dembele was afforded too much help by Navas and his defence to deposit a second. Outclassed despite a bright performance from Fekir, the season 1 champions have a lot of work to do on this evidence.
By Belisarius Smith
Halfman United 4-1 Sporting Martyrs
Klopp’s steadfast refusal to deploy a flying V backfired here despite Martinez scoring an early penalty. The opener was instantly cancelled out by Alderweireld’s header from a free kick and, despite outshooting their opponents three-to-one in the first half, Martyrs conceded twice soon after the break. Coutinho’s long-range effort caught Ederson flat-footed before Aubameyang nodded home a third, and Sergi Roberto’s sneaky near-post finish turned bad to worse. The visitors’ hierarchy will fume about formations but their profligacy was the real culprit here, while for Halfman three assists for Reguilon summed up a very professional performance.
By Slam Smackfist
FC Carrcelona 1-1 FC Cers City
The holders’ slow start to their title defence looked set to continue when Kovacic conceded a penalty merely five minutes into the game; Lukaku converted with ease. But a determined Henderson performance kept up the visitors’ heads, with Reus in particular unlucky to be denied by a fantastic De Gea save. It looked like Cers would be unlucky to lose yet again before creative genius Joe Gomez cut inside from left-back on a mazy dribble before launching an astonishing curler from long range deep into the net. In the end, it was the league’s first draw of the season, but Cers will win games while playing worse.
By Benevolent Gary
Les Canards 0-3 Mancs in Black
Two closely matched teams played out an entertaining encounter here, though the MiB had the best of the midfield battle with Saul and Jorginho in fine form. It was a game short of genuine chances but Mbappe seized on a late one, walking in shadow and moving in silence through a static Ducks defence. The hosts seemed to fall apart in the following 10 minutes, with both Pedro and Rabiot coming on to prosper from a tired back line. The loss of Lewandowski to a knock, prompting Barnes to come off the bench, seemed to prompt Le Roy’s men to switch off mentally, and the Polish striker is now set to be out for two-to-three months.
By the actor Ioan Gruffudd
Pigs 2-0 The Pocket Dawgs
Fresh from heisting a win against a purportedly superior foe, the Pigs looked buoyed by the opportunity to heap more frustration on the Dawgs. Dybala took his chance when the hosts won a penalty but Robertson extended the lead in style with a thumping shot from the left of the box. Conte’s men looked shellshocked and could barely string a pass together, let alone take a shot, but Inzaghi will be delighted by a very different win to that which his side enjoyed in the first gameweek.
By Jean Antonick
Los Hijos de Chud 3-0 Brigstock Big Cocks
After an inauspicious debut last week, Los Hijos showed up in style here, taking advantage of the mysterious absence of Bale. Lacazette plundered the club’s first-ever goal 15 minutes in before Lemar struck a sensational long-ranger that delighted the onlookers in the adjacent multi-storey car park, with Mane then heading home. The Big Cocks were trigger-happy but vastly less clinical than their opponents, with Donnarumma in imposing form, and questions will surely now be asked about their star man’s tee time. For the hosts, it was a case of solid game management after the break and welcome proof that they are not completely overwhelmed by their arrival into the big time.
By eight nine-year-olds who won a competition
Maychester United 0-0 Weasels
Though perhaps relieved simply not to be on the end of another Maychester mauling, Weasels arguably had the best of this tight contest. Pogba looked the liveliest for Zidane’s side but neither forward line were consistently threatening and a bore draw always seemed the likeliest result.
By an eighty-nine-year-old who won a competition
Surreal Madrid 0-2 Chilean Menace
Expectations were high for Surreal after their triumphant castling of the Dawgs last week and they immediately resumed their dogged defensive play. The Menace, though, were patient as they enjoyed the majority of possession and took full advantage when the hosts’ army of defenders somehow left Odegaard free for a header near the penalty spot soon after the break. When the previously impressive Dubravka turned a fine save from Vidal into an embarrassing own goal, you sensed that the resistance was broken.
By Barbara Blacksheep
This week’s crossword clue
32 Across: Its own share of a very average first name (4)
(Please note: GW1’s crossword clue was originally misprinted as 1 Down when it was, in fact, 9 Down. This has now been amended on that report. You can find the grid below.)
