Our team of intrepid reporters attends every game in the Gobshite Draft League so that you don’t have to!
FC Carrcelona 1-2 Farcelona
With Lukaku out injured, the Geese turned to Martial up front and he repaid Ancelotti’s faith with a tidy finish midway through te first half. But this impressive Farcelona side were given a shot in the arm by Guardiola’s team talk, Suarez levelling it almost immediately. The visitors grew in stature as the game went on and got their reward when De Gea was slow to intercept a corner, allowing Paredes to thump home a header. This was a gutsy win for the Farce, who worked hard to repel a desperate late push from their pink-clad foes and could have had more if it weren’t for some solid De Gea saves.
By Hank McWallaby
Arbor Red FC 2-0 Sporting Martyrs
Two early strugglers faced off at the Arboretum but the thus-far-pointless hosts started most strongly, with a gorgeous pass from Telles setting up Gomez. Martyrs raised their intensity after going behind but struggled without the absent Top 10, while at the other end a dreadful clearance from Tagliafico went straight to Salah for an easy second. Bielsa’s choice to start aggresively with the 4-2-4 paid off as Arbor Red finally recorded their first result, while Klopp’s side continue to struggle.
By Paolo Apyb
Mancs in Black 3-1 Chilean Menace
Keen to recover from their first setback last week, the Mancs started strongly and aggressively, their concerted pressure paying off as Di Maria and Mbappe notched first-half goals. The MiBs’ noisy cricket really got wicked on the Menace, who struggled to convert possession into chances – although the introduction of Werner soon changed that. The German notched one close-range header and stretched the defence with multiple opportunities afterwards, but the hosts’ pacy attack always threatened on the counter and Di Maria finished the job just before full-time.
By Sunny Likeabison
Pigs 1-0 Los Hijos de Chud
Inzaghi’s side got off to a rocket of a start when Florenzi’s needle-threading cross was placed perfectly into the path of Ziyech to volley home. From there, it was total domination from the Pigs, who launched a barrage of shots at Donnarumma while Los Hijos could muster only a combative tackle here and there. With Modric running the show, the Pigs had chance after chance but failed to extend their lead – not that they will mind a continuation of their fine early form. Los Hijos, for their part, must find more quality than this.
By Melinda Cabbagepatch
Nilwall FC 0-2 Weasels
Without Neymar and Tadic, the away side might have feared a tough fixture, but they had the better of the opening exchanges and Zapata finished off a patient team move just past the half-hour. Lambert’s men got fully stuck in, picking up a slew of yellow cards as they combated Nilwall’s patented switch to 3-4-3 in times of adversity. Not even the hosts’ high-profile pensioners could turn the tide and, in the depths of stoppage time, Laporte headed home a corner delivered by lively debutant Carrasco to seal a solid victory.
By Lewis Tohighest
Surreal Madrid 2-1 Les Canards
The ponderous Ducks seemed unready to deal with Surreal’s no-nonsense approach here, with some vulnerability on the counter which Alisson did well to negate. But in the second half a passage of very unBrucelike play resulted in an excellent goal from the busy Saint-Maximin, leaving Le Roy’s men in a real flap. There were shots aplenty for Les Canards – a massive 36 by the end of it – but they lacked both authority in defence and brute force up front, though Dubravka had a good game in goal as well. The hosts will be proud of this victory, sealed in comedy style when Alisson failed to handle a penetrative counter and Wilson simply passed into the net. Stones bundled home a consolation from a messy corner but the disbelieving Ducks have some thinking to do.
By Grabtharshammer Whatasavings
FC Cers City 2-1 Brigstock Big Cocks
Cers are a team who have played within themselves throughout this nascent season and that continued here, with the Cocks looking more dangerous in the early exchanges. Luis Enrique’s team began to put on more pressure in the second half but Neto sent a message to the doubters with a solid performance to keep them out while, at the other end, substitute Jota fired home to give Brigstock hopes of a second consecutive victory. But persistence paid off for the holders, as first Lenglet broke through from a corner and then, deep in injury time, the ball fell to Reus in a scramble and the German bundled it in. Something of a let-off for the home side, while Ferguson will be frustrated by an unfortunate slide back towards their poor start.
By Cillian T. Bang
La Ball de la Foot 2-1 The Pocket Dawgs
The Dawgs, desperate to build momentum after their first win of the campaign, were without Messi due to injury – although rumours abound of the Argentine’s nervousness to face a team who put him out for months last season. And they were set for a tough day when a dreadful challenge from Nainggolan saw him red-carded with barely more than five minutes on the clock. Conte’s side, defiant, opened the scoring through Vardy but, with La Ball enjoying greater and greater possession, it was only a matter of time. Matuidi rifled home twice from outside the area in an eye-catching display and the hosts should really have made more of their dominance. Vardy even had a late chance to level it after bursting through on the counter but a poor shot put paid to their hopes of getting away with playing almost the full match with 10 men. La Ball are up to nine points despite being yet to fully convince.
By Terry Cotter
Halfman United 0-1 Maychester United
Visting the league’s only team on a perfect record might worry some players, but not Alex Grimaldo, who curled home coolly from an early free kick. Indeed, Halfman struggled to find their rhythm in a stumbling performance; in perhaps their brightest spot, Aubameyang ought to have equalised after sailing through the defence just after the break. Maychester were far from eye-catching going forward but their defence were sturdy and alert throughout, delivering a very valuable victory and allowing the Pigs to hold onto their newfound position at the top of the table. How Rodgers reacts to this will be fascinating.
By Helen Anenome
This week’s crossword clue
14 Down: Consume a dinner where the starter is saved for dessert (3)
